If you’ve ever collapsed onto the couch at the end of a long day and thought, “I’d love to want sex, but I just don’t,” you’re not alone.
Research shows that 39% of women report low sexual desire, and for many, the issue isn’t just physical—it’s mental.
To explore why, PAUZ Health sat down with Dr. Lori Brotto, one of the world’s leading experts in women’s sexual health and mindfulness. Dr. Brotto is a Professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the University of British Columbia, Executive Director of the Women’s Health Research Institute, and author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness (2018) and The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook (2022). You may also recognize her from Netflix’s The Principles of Pleasure.
As Dr. Brotto explains, menopause and aging bring real physiological changes—declining estrogen, vaginal dryness, and shifts in libido—but for women, sexual desire also depends on mental presence.
“For women, the mind has to be in synchrony with the body,” says Dr. Brotto. “We need to feel connected, safe, and engaged in the moment for arousal to follow.”
Sound familiar?
“I can’t remember the last time I felt like having sex.”
“I should win an Academy Award for best orgasm performance.”
If these resonate, you’re not broken—your brain and body may just be out of sync.
Mindfulness—the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment—has been shown to improve sexual desire, arousal, lubrication, satisfaction, and orgasm in women.
Dr. Brotto’s clinical studies demonstrate that women who practiced mindfulness experienced meaningful increases in sexual wellbeing, even when physical symptoms persisted.
Why? Because mindfulness helps you reconnect with your senses—touch, smell, taste, and sound—allowing desire to emerge naturally rather than be forced.
You don’t need an hour-long meditation routine to benefit. Start small:
Daily mindfulness: Sit comfortably and focus on your breath. When your mind drifts, gently bring it back. A simple mantra like “Release my inner goddess” can help anchor you.
Walking meditation: Sync your breath with each step. Feel the movement and the air on your skin.
Mindful intimacy: Begin with self-touch, then explore with your partner. Focus on sensations, rhythm, and breath. Notice how being fully present changes the experience.
Make eye contact — it deepens connection.
Expect distractions — simply notice them and refocus.
Practice gratitude — appreciate your body for what it does.
Be kind — let go of body criticism and self-judgment.
Let’s be clear—pain during sex, dryness, or burning are not normal and should never be ignored.
These may be symptoms of Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM), affecting up to 84% of women.
Common symptoms include:
Vaginal dryness and irritation
Pain during intercourse
Decreased lubrication
Increased urinary frequency or urgency
The gold-standard treatment is local vaginal estrogen, which directly restores tissue health. Lubricants and moisturizers can also help. For persistent issues, book a visit with a menopause-certified NP at PAUZ Health for a full assessment and personalized care plan.
Sexual desire isn’t just hormonal—it’s deeply connected to your mind.
Mindfulness offers a powerful, evidence-based way to reconnect with your body and revitalize intimacy during midlife and menopause.
“When women learn to tune in—without judgment, without shame—they often rediscover pleasure they thought was gone,” says Dr. Brotto.
In our latest episode, Dr. Lori Brotto joins us to talk about the neuroscience of desire, mindfulness, and how to rebuild connection during menopause.
Watch here
Brotto, L. (2018). Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire.
Brotto, L. (2022). The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook.
The Principles of Pleasure (Netflix)
World Health Organization. (2006). Defining sexual health: Report of a technical consultation.